Enjoying a break from business, Allison and I savored dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. Returning from the ladies room, she reported in stressed tones that an entire table of ladies turned and stared at her. Allison is lovely, so I wasn’t surprised at the attention. She however, was in fight mode. Immediately offended at the stares her confidence tanked.
Two things came to my awareness…women constantly judge other women and consequently judge themselves.
In seemingly instant scans, we seem to take it all in, making computations on how appealing others are. Instead of taking the total package, we compartmentalize all the good and bad and then we use it against ourselves. Are we as pretty, funny, smart, tall, short, plump, skinny, happy, healthy, wealthy, wise? We’re exhaustively working against an ever-moving target. Someone will forever be prettier, skinnier, funnier, smarter. Also, I’m fairly confident they are simultaneously comparing themselves against us.
Why can’t we view others without judgment, appreciating who they are in all their glory, all separate pieces making one glorious human?
Why can’t we view and accept ourselves, with all our mix-matched parts without judgment, appreciating who we are in this moment, ever-changing, never perfect, making one glorious human?
A retraining of the brain needs to occur. Years of judging and comparing will take time to retrain old habits into something new, a healthier way to relate. Perhaps only then can we attain that Soulshine state of mind where we fully appreciate ourselves and others without judgment or comparison. Perhaps only then can we pass a table of curious women, smile and nod in solidarity.